Week 18 & 19 – What’s wrong with me?!
Everything went wrong from week 18. I went back to Hungary to see my father and I stopped with the exercises. Things got out of controll and went wrong. As a straight consequence the struggle of getting on with my daily life just got bigger and I tried my hardest to solve things ‘from the outside’. The harder I tried the greater challenges came into my way – exhausting me more and more. The possibility of going back to the material was shining brightly from the side which I did not want to take any notice of. Why??? What is wrong with me??? I mastered my skills of procrastinating and staying with my old self living and struggling in my old world ignoring the call. What on earth is wrong with me?! But my future self stayed aside, did not go away, waited patiently to be noticed. In the meantime my frustration of wanting to go forward but not actually doing that just became greater and greater. Guilt was growing with frustration as well. I was so relieved and grateful when it was discussed in one of the webinars that struggle is part of the process, but the work is still waiting for me.